| Friday October 31st 2014

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ZOMG!!1! Google Is Out To Get Us!


Queue the gasp! Google is out to get you!

First of all, anyone who has been on the Internet for five minutes knows that any online service is gathering as much data as possible on all of us. It’s not news.

What is news, apparently, is that it’s all part of some worldwide conspiracy to take over the world.

So let’s say Google succeeds in their devious plans to take over. Planet earth becomes Google Earth. What can we expect to see?

  • No more DMV. Getting a new license is a one-click process.
  • Earth can now mathematically determine your value as a human.
  • Low value humans are blacklisted and forced to move to Australia.
  • Free E-Mail.
  • No more taxes. Money is given to the world government through billboard advertising.
  • A new cottage industry will spring up where people help you improve your HumanRankâ„¢
  • I’ve been to the Google campus. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. There are free bicycles everywhere, and a great public transportation system. Everyone is happy and having fun. I’ve been to parties at Google and it was free food, drinks, and entertainment as far as the eye could see.

    I, for one, welcome our new Google overlords.

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